My in-Laws had a New Year Eve's party yesterday. They invited many of their friends. What should have been a happy end to 2007 was spoiled by someone's thoughtless words.
One of the fathers with a 2 year old child was saying that his baby was very attached to the mummy. Unfortunately, yesterday, Sean was attached to his Ah ma (my MIL). He was dressed up and he thought he was going out. So once he was with her, he wouldn't come back to me. So this man said that that was the first time he's ever known a baby not wanting his own mother.
You know, I felt very hurt at his words. What was he implying? That I wasn't a good mother to my son? That my son doesn't want to be with me?
Of course I understood the reason why Sean wanted to be with his Ah ma. He thought that she was going to bring him out. She's the driver of the family. She usually drives when the family go out together. Sean is a smart boy. He knows that his Ah ma lets him get away with a lot of things that his Mummy won't allow. He loves to go out and my MIL unfortunately has made it a habit of driving him around. Therefore whenever he's with her he expects to go out.
Now I know that it's not true that Sean doesn't want me. He's actually very close to me. But I am the disciplinarian which means I'm the one who tells him he can't watch TV while standing 30cm away from it. When he's naughty, I'm the one who tells him No. etc.. etc.. So I know that I won't always be the popular person at home.
But.. even knowing this...I couldn't get his words out of my head. His careless words really hurt because he made me feel like a bad mother. I couldn't sleep the whole night thinking about it. It made me think and re-evaluate myself as a mother. What kind of a mother am I? Have I done my best? Have I been letting him spend to much time with his Ah ma?
Should I cut the amount of time Sean spends with his Ah ma? Probably not.... that would cause unhappiness for everyone around. She loves Sean and Sean loves her. Love should be natural and this is natural. I would like Sean to be able to enjoy all the love everyone has for him without any constraint.
My Son is growing up. I'm no longer the center of his world. It's a little painful to lose that special position, but this is probably just a taste of what all mothers will go through as each child grows up and builds relationship with other people.
So rather than recriminate myself for what I have or haven't done, I'm deciding that I should always remind myself to be the best mummy I can be. But I'm wondering how do I do it? Sigh... this is when all parents wish a baby comes with a manual.
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6 comments:
I don't think you should let a sweeping comment like that spoil your night/day (and sleep! which we know is hard to come by these days!!). Bryan is clingy to his Ah Ma when she's around as well but it's only natural because of all the reasons that you have said. Plus for me, she is definitely there more times for him than I am. So my advice - forget about it and you know that Sean loves you to bits!!!!
Yeah that's what I decided finally. But I was just angry at that odious man for spoiling my mood. I also felt that this was a moment I realized tat Sean is growing up! He's no longer a baby but really a little human being with a personality!
hey no worries bout it...sometimes it's just a phase. my girl there was one time she didnt even want me to touch her when i go pick her up from MIL, I was sad too...but I took it as a good thing that I can spend ME time with V instead. :). forget bout that man, somemore he dare say son attach to the mommy, not him..shame on him oso :P
Glad to hear it's a phase. Sean is still close to me, but when his Ah Ma is around, he wants to spend time with her. I guess he spends a lot of time with me already and feels that I'm always around anyway. Especially I've been on holiday for 3 weeks during the school holidays. I guess being a mama, you just want your child to think you're No.1 all the time! he he he
Even though I don't have the whole day to spend with my sons, I'm very confident to say that they do know who their MOTHER is. There is no doubt in my heart about this.
We need to trust our kids and believe in ourselves. Most modern families these days have lots of other 'helper mums' likes grandmas, maids, grand-aunts and the likes. So, it is not unusual for our kids to want some other person in a different situation. There would also be times when they purposely say that they want to follow someone else just to upset you. Haha!! Mine does that to his father sometimes because he know that his father adores him.
So Mamalina, let that remark be a passing one for it may not be the last of the kind that you will encounter. Trust your kid and believe in yourself that you're doing all the best that you can for him.
hey, i'm in the same dilemma as you. Read my recent post and I realized it's time for them to show out their personality. They too as our child has the right to make decision and choose but sometimes it feels bad though.
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