Reminiscense part 2 - Learning to Breastfeed

I wanted to write down what happened during the first weeks of birth, but never got around to do it. I wrote short notes down on a notebook and luckily I haven't lost it yet. So this is just to remember how it was during early days of motherhood.

Learning to Breastfeed

Day 1 : 9th Sept 06 - After Sean was taken out of me. I still had to stay in the operating room for the doc to sew me up. Sam followed Sean to the nursery to be cleaned up. When I was done, I was wheeled into the hospital room and soon they brought Sean along at 11.30pm. He stayed with me rather than in the nursery because I wanted to breastfeed him immediately. He was sleeping and wasn't hungry. He was the most wonderful baby in the world. Of course I'm bias, after all I'm his mother! =D




Day 2 : 10 Sept 06 - I was still attached to the epidural and hence did not feel any pain. I was ecstatically happy, probably because I was still doped up =P But that morning they took off the epidural and I was told that I could start moving around. I found that I couldn't sit up on my own. Someone has to help me sit. Nor could I stand up by myself. By 12pm, I needed to go to the bathroom. I was so weak, I needed someone to help me walk.

Early today, Sean woke up hungry and breastfed. There was so little milk that he needed to feed almost every hour. To be exact, he fed 9 times. He was still very sleepy and tired from the journey from the womb to the world.

Day 3: 11 Sept 06 - Sean breastfed so often that we stopped recording. He fed 13 times by middle of afternoon. Small feeds but very often. He must be hungry by now. Sean's weight dropped to 3.61kg. This is normal since he's just losing excess water.

We checked out of the hospital at 2pm and had to pay the hospital bills. Wow! it was more expensive than we thought it would be. Because I had tried natural birth and then had to have an emergency c-section, I basically had to pay for both births. It costs almost Rm 10K!

When I got home, the effect of epidural wearing off my body started to take effect. I had to take pain killers rather often. I was exhausted. I couldn't lay down horizontally on the bed and needed several pillows to prop me up. I couldn't get out of bed, someone had to help me out of bed. Sean was feeding all the time because my body was still producing very little milk. Yuli, the maid, was a jewel. She cooked my food and brought it to the room so I can eat. She helped take care of Sean, cleaned him up and changed his diapers.



Day 4: 12 Sept 06 - It was a blur but I remembered Sean fed almost continuously for 4 straight hours at night. It was probably not like that but just after I put him down on the bed, a few minutes later, he's crying again. He seemed to be attached at the breast. My breasts were hurting because they weren't used to being suckled.



Day 5: 13 Sept 06 - Sean fed 5 hours straight at night on top of hourly feed during the day. No sleep for me. It was just a blur. My nerves were breaking down. My body still hurt and I had nipple crack and they were bleeding. Breast feeding felt like as if I was being sliced by a knife every single time he suckle. It was awful. I was trying to be brave but I had to breast feed Sean and cry at the same time because it was so painful. But how else was I going to feed him? But by now I was telling Sam that maybe he should go and buy formula. We didn't have any formula because I was determined that he gets the best, i.e. breast milk. But Sam helped me remember that I wanted to breastfeed and supported me emotionally.

Day 6 : 14 Sept 06 - I remembered that I bought a breast pump so I started pumping. The flow of milk helped to soothe the sore breasts. There was very little milk, only 20 - 30 ml after 1-2 hours of pumping. It was my wrists that were sore now. But that day I left the room and was able to walk down the stairs.







Day 7 : 15 Sept 06 - We brought Sean for his first paediatrician check. He had jaundice so he had to do the UV light treatment. We opted to rent the UV machine and do it ourselves at home. It was about Rm125 per day and Sean had to be under the lights for 3 days.

Sam's parents were upset that Sean had to be put there for the whole 3 days, only brought out for feeding. They thought that sunlight was enough, but Sean's bilirubin level was very high and he needed the concentrated UV treatment. It was difficult to put him inside because he wanted to be in close contact all the time, but putting him down in fetal position seemed to work.

I expressed the milk so that Sean could drink a lot more at feeding time. Too many people interfered with the feeding. They fed him too much and all the expressed milk was gone by 10pm. I was very upset because it was a lot pumping just to get the milk which was only being produced at 30 ml for every 1-2 hours of pumping (by hand)! I had to express all over again and pretty much spent the night day half naked trying to get enough milk. I talked to Margaret and got good expressing tips. I drank a lot of water and the milk came bountifully at night. The volume increased from 40ml to 60 ml by night time and by the next morning 75ml.

Day 8 : 16 Sept 06 - I was happy too early about the milk production because by day the production went back to 40 ml. The expressed breast milk (EBM) supply finished very quickly. Sean was a hungry baby. So I had to spend another day half naked just to pump and catch up with his appetite. Sean was used to getting a lot more milk at each feed, about 50 - 70 ml. He needed expressed milk as well as breast feeding to satisfy his hunger.

Day 8 : 17 Sept 06 - Took Sean out of the UV box to breastfeed at 4am. He was whiny and didn't want to get back inside. Neither did he want to sleep. He wanted to breastfeed. This went on until 10am. finally exhausted, I took him down to the maid for his bath so that I could get some sleep. I had a 2 hour nap and when I woke up at 12pm, I had lunch. Then it was back to breast feeding from 2.30 - 4pm. It took that much time to settle him down before he got back into the UV box. This was the last day, so I wanted him to get as much light as possible.

I learned a new trick. I breast fed Sean from one breast and pump the other one. I achieved 40ml from the right breast! But his appetite increased again. He fed from breast plus a 50ml bottle of EBM!


Day 10 : 19 Sept 06 - Sean's bilirubin level went down from 281 tp 157. He's OK! He had also gained weight from 3.61kg when he left the hospital to 4.15kg within 8 days.

This is the end of the notes. From then on, it's a blur. I have to look at photographs to remember what happened since then. I'm glad I managed to jot down notes during that first week because if I have to depend on my memories, I wouldn't be able to remember so much. First week was tough but it just got better from then on.

PS. I went on pumping and nursing until Sean was 7 months. My wrists hurt all the time by then. I decided to stop pumping and just breastfeed purely. At first we mixed with formula but Sean didn't like the taste of formula. Luckily this was the time when he was starting on his solids. So he didn't need to feed on purely breastmilk. I'd just like to say that I'm happy that I've made it this far, still breastfeeding when Sean is 15 months old. It has it's pros and cons, but I think it makes our bonding really special.