Breastfeeding @ 20 months

What is it like to breastfeed a 20 month old?

He needs his "nee-nee" first thing in the morning and last thing before he sleeps. It's like "good morning" and "good night" to him. As well as various time throughout the day, of course. There really isn't a schedule because he asks for it whenever he wants it.

But when I come home from work, the first thing he says when he sees me is "nee-ne"!!!! He doesn't nurse for long though, just a minute or so. It's his way of connecting with me. I wonder when he will call me "ma ma"or "mummy". Does "nee-nee" equals to "ma ma"? I hope not! =P

It's not just sustenance for Sean. It's also a source of comfort and connection for him. It's extremely useful when he falls and hurt himself, which happens fairly often ever since he started walking. The breasts are like magical objects that are made for comforting and soothing. It's so effective, that I wouldn't know what to do without it. I'll probably have to find other ways to soothe him.

He does acrobatics when he nurses. He lifts his body up and his leg flay about here and there. His whole body moves about while his mouth is attached to me. I wonder what goes through his mind when he does that. It's just so funny, sometimes. =D

Breastfeeding gives me a wonderful feeling of contentment and love, especially when we are at home with no distractions. All is well and the world is at peace. We have a wonderful bond between us. It makes our relationship seem extra special.

Unfortunately, such closeness also brings it's disadvantages. He has become extremely clingy the last few months. When he was younger and we used to bottle feed him with expressed breast milk, we could leave him at home in the evening with the in-laws. Now, it's almost impossible.

Some evenings, I can't even turn around to do something without upsetting him. He gets angry when I turn my back or get out of the room without him. Sometimes, he clings to me like a monkey, not allowing me to let him go. At night, he can't sleep if he is not on me. Let's just say, I haven't been in a movie theater since I was 8 months pregnant. That's almost 2 years ago!

Despite these "restrictions" on my freedom, I'm letting him wean himself off on his own.

I know my body isn't producing as much as it used to. Sometimes when Sean nurse and there isn't milk. He goes "nee nee nee nee" and twists his wrists left and right (to indicate "no more"). I know I'm going to miss the special moments when he finally weans off and doesn't need his "nee-nee" anymore.

I don't know how long more it's going to last, but I'm going to savor each moment and enjoy it to the last moment. When it's done, then it'll be the next step of Sean's growth and there'll be new things to experience.